Rule 63: A Thank You
by TheAnnoyingFanGirl
Summary: Rule 63: "For any given male character, there is a female version of that character." Siegfried (Sigrid) never expected to see dwarves climb out of his toilet. He also didn't expect for someone to actually thank him for it. Cover Art by Shahrezad1.


**_"Rule 63: A Thank You"_**

_Rule 63: "For any given male character, there is a female version of that character."_

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There was an unspoken rule in Laketown, that nothing unexpected ever happens. The civilians of the poor, small town knew what to expect.

_Hunger. Destitution. Death. _Stuff like that.

However, there has been moments where unexpected things did happen.

And the family of the barge woman can be a witness to that, for they once experienced thirteen dwarves and a hobbit climb out of their plumbing system.

It was very odd, to say the least. The day had been normal for the children of the barge woman. Siegfried, the eldest, took care of the house while his sister, Bain, left the house to keep Torben occupied.

Their mother had been working much more then usual lately, so Torben had wanted to surprise her with walnuts, a treat that their mother had a certain fondness for.

When they came back from their scavenging, Bain told Siegfried that their house was being watched by the Mistress of Laketown's men.

Siegfried, filled with worry, sent Bain off to go search for their mother and tell her of their situation. It wasn't strange for the Mistress to send men to watch them, it was almost a monthly occurrence. But each time it happened Siegfried couldn't help but feel frightened, fearing that the Mistress will take their Ma away from them.

After what seemed like an eternity of worrying, the front door opened and with a shriek, Torben welcomed home the rest of their family.

"Ma!" the small boy shrieked, jumping into his Mother's arms, "Where have you been?"

Barda smiled and patted her small boy on the back before setting him down, and then welcoming her eldest into her embrace.

"Ma we were so worried about you." Siegfried said, clutching into his mother. Barda kissed her son's cheek before turning to her daughter.

"Bain," she said, "Get them in."

Siegfried raised an eyebrow in confusion, and his gaze followed his sister.

He thought his eyes were deceiving him with what he saw next.

"Ma, why are there dwarves climbing out of the toilet?"

"Will they bring us luck?" Torben asked, nearly jumping with excitement as his big eyes shined bright.

One of the dwarves, wearing a fur hat with braids, although soaking wet and shivering, started to laugh uncontrollably. That was until a very grumpy looking dwarf slapped the other dwarf upside the head.

"What was that for, Dwalia?" the braided dwarf asked, rubbing the bruise that began to take form, "And why do you hit so hard?"

"Keep giggling, and I'll hit ya even harder."

"Girls calm down." A white haired dwarf ordered stepping in between the other two.

"Girls?" Torben asked confused.

"Yeah, what did ya think we were?" a dark haired dwarf with light facial hair and standing with a slight limp smirked.

Torben's face began to burn a dark red and he began to stammer out words.

Siegfried was about to step in to comfort his brother, but he was beaten to the punch by a golden haired dwarf, who gently nudged the dark haired dwarf.

"Don't worry kid," she said softly, "Kili's only tease'in."

Torben's face was still red, but he started to smile and nodded at the golden haired dwarf. Siegfried smiled to himself, and made a self-note to thank the golden haired dwarf.

Later on, after the dwarves (and one hobbit) were all dried up and found no proper weapons, they began to tale their leave, but where stopped by Barda, who persuaded them to wait for nightfall, so that they wouldn't attract any more attention to the house.

As the dwarves and hobbit waited they busied themselves in anyway possible. Bofa was telling stories to Bain and Torben, ranging from tales of the magnificence of the halls of Erebor (something that the ease-dropping she-dwarf Kili really enjoyed), to epics of magic, romance, and shield-women (something that Bain was interested in).

As this was going on, in the back of the house was Siegfried sitting on a bench in a small room. The room was originally for Siegmund, Barda's late husband and the children's father. Siegmund, whom Siegfried was named for, would use the small room as a little workplace, mostly using the room to carve out objects from wood for his family or for sell.

After his death the room was given to Siegfried, who would use the room mostly to gather his bearings and to just _breath_. At the moment his head was being held in his hands and he was breathing heavily. It was nerve wracking having thirteen dwarves (and a hobbit) in his home. He was afraid that the Mistress would find them, and then punish that barge woman and her family for harboring _illegal dwarves_.

When he heard a knock coming from the opening of the room, his head snapped up. He saw the golden haired dwarf leaning against the doorway, holding a walnut in her hand.

"Hi there," she said, "Do you mind if I come in? I would like to talk to you."

Siegfried's face redden, but he nodded and scooted over, patting the empty space on the bench.

As she sat down next to him, he couldn't help but notice how much more facial hair she had than him. He himself had an average amount for a boy his age, his jawline and chin covered in light stubble, however she had more than enough. On both sides of her cheeks she had enough hair to put into decent braids and around her mouth she had golden stubble.

The facial hair that she possessed she have made her look more masculine, but her softened face, round eyes, and plump lips gave her a feminine appearance.

The she-dwarf noticed the young man staring at her, and a blush began to creep its way onto her cheeks. She averted her eyes and slightly turned away from him, fiddling with the walnut in her hand.

They sat in silence for a while, the only noise coming from the other room that was filled with laughter from Bofa's stories, but she broke the silence when she mumbled something out.

"I'm sorry, what?" Siegfried asked, slightly confused.

The golden haired dwarf began to grow flustered, and started to spat out, "Um- well- I just wanted to- um..."

For some reason Siegfried slightly smiled at her, and watched as she tried to calm herself down.

When she finally regained control, she said with a small huff, "I guess what I'm trying to say is... Thank you. For taking us in."

"Uh, its nothing really, Miss...?"

"Fili," she said, "My name is Fili, daughter of Disrin."

"Siegfried, son of Siegmund," he said himself, "And if anything, I would like to thank you."

Fili raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What for?"

"For what you did for Torben, my little brother." Siegfried said, "Torben's small for his age, and gets sick a lot. Boys his age like to tease him for it. So its nice when someone helps put, you know?"

Fili smiled widely at him, and nodded. She sat the walnut down, and wrapped both her hands around Siegfried's large ones. He noticed how they felt rough and calloused, but he liked the way that her hands felt against his.

"I understand," she said, knowingly, "Its something that big sisters do. They look after their little sister and help out big brothers with their little sister and brother."

Until the sky turned black the two of them stayed in the back room, hashing out stories and just talking in general.

When the dwarves company left that night Siegfried couldn't help but think that it would be the last time he would see the she-dwarf, Fili. She and her company were going to steal weapons from the Mistress of Laketown, something that had never been down before.

But then again, it would have been unexpected. And the one unspoken rule of Laketown was that nothing was to be unexpected.

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**Wow, this certainly took longer than it should have. But here it is! The second Rule 63!verse one shot! **

**Yes, I unabashedly ship Figrid (Fili/Sigrid). I blame Tumbler for that.**

**This one shot is for S****hahrezad1, who also drew this amazing cover. **

******Also, I am planning on doing Hobbit story based on the movie _Anastasia_, with Sigrid as Anastasia, Fili as Demitri, Kili as Vlad, etc. But I have no idea if I want to do it chapters where everything is in more detail, or to just write it as a long one shot with less detail. There will be a poll on my profile so please vote!**

******There will be a second part to this, so look forward to that, and I am still accepting requests for anything in the Rule 63!verse.**

******Please review~!**


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